12 Secrets to Divorce
The New Rules of Divorce by Jacqueline Newman has fantastic tips. From revolutionary concepts like you may not be ready to get divorced to sobering concepts like spousal support may not be enough, this book shares a readable guide to helping you let go of your partner.
One of my favorite chapters explains that your divorce is more than just a breakup and you have a life to live. Newman recommends breaking down the week and letting yourself have a sad day, a mad day, an anxious day, and using the rest of the days to keep it together and be sure your job gets done, your kids get cared for, and you take care of you.
Another important secret she releases is that partners do not need to see the inside of a courtroom- in fact only 5% of cases make it to the Judge. The author lays out mediation and collaborative divorce, which are both great options for staying out of court.
A big rule I personally live by in my marriage is "You are not divorcing the same person you married." For me, in my marriage, my husband is growing every day. He's totally different from the man I married. Newman points out that everyone wants to feel understood and appreciated, and that doesn't go away when divorce starts. So if each partner is a little empathetic to the other during the divorce process things will go more smoothly.
Ultimately, extending an olive branch may be the best negotiating tactic. And Newman doesn't avoid explicitly discussing negotiating tactics! I recommend reading this book. It's a wonderful prep to see what you'll be getting into if you decide divorce is for you.